Some people build forts to keep out armies; I build forts to keep out consumerism. I gather the cushions off the sofa, some spare blankets out of the linen closet, and all the lumber Lowe’s hasn’t missed yet and build a bastion against all the things people say you must have. I reject it all, be it fancy cars, four thousand dollar suits, diamond ear stud, thorough knowledge of sports trivia, iPhone, or adopted third-world orphan. I sit in my fort with nothing but a copy of Plato’s Dialogues and Monty Python to keep me company and quietly wait for the Western World to sicken itself on consumerism. When its finally had its fill, I’ll crawl out from my secret hide-out, as Noah from the Ark, and build a new society, a society where people are content to find identity in who they are and not what they own.
But I’m out of food and there are pigeons, so maybe it’s time to poke my head out of my hole and take a swing at this whole consumerism gig. Funds are tight right now, so I’ll have to pick a possession that’s fairly cheap to form my identity with. The thing is, once you don’t have money to spend on your identity the options go downhill fast. Basically the only option you really have in an economic downturn is to adopt an attitude about something. At least that’s an easy option though. All I’d have to do is pick something to be and belittle anyone who’s not in that group.
That’s really too easy though. Anyone can just decide they’re a part of some group or party and form their identity around that. I’d like to think, if I’m going to be a consumerist, I can be a consumerist of class (if not cash). So, what can I get that everyone says you need to have? What can I own that says “I’m important and you should listen to me”? It needs to be something tech savvy, intellectually stimulating, full of my personality, and have a catchy, one syllable name to sum up it’s unquestionable cosmic importance (and thus my unquestionable cosmic importance),
Oh, I know. I’ll get a blog.
